Written by student therapist Sarah Kratzer
Major Depressive Disorder is one of the most commonly diagnosed mental health conditions in adults today. Though depression can have many symptoms, sad mood, loss of motivation, low energy, difficulty concentrating, etc., there’s one symptom that can encompass a lot of the experience of living with depression: anhedonia.
Anhedonia is the inability to experience pleasure in activities that you used to enjoy. It can be either physical (no longer craving your favorite foods or enjoying sex) or social (no longer wanting to make plans with friends or go on dates).
Social anhedonia is tricky. It’s a “chicken or the egg?” type of paradox.
Humans are wired to be gratified by social connection. Even so, connecting with another human can be hard work. Social anhedonia is nefarious because it reduces your desire (and tolerance) to do the hard work of maintaining relationships. Without regular maintenance, relationships wither.
Conversely, strained relationships exacerbate social anhedonia. If relating to others is no longer a pleasurable activity, what’s the point in doing it? And if you’ve been isolated for a long time, where do you even begin?
The trick is to rely on routines, not desires.
Inconvenient as it is, there are many things we can do to safeguard our health. These things are true for everyone, with or without a diagnosis of MDD.
Eating a balanced diet
Moving your body
Getting out in nature
Sleeping enough
And not to be forgotten:
Spending time with other humans
If anhedonia is killing your motivation to do these things, I have good news for you: you’re not alone.
Even the most successful people are rarely intrinsically motivated to engage in healthy or productive activities.
That’s because motivation is a flimsy mechanism for healthy behavior.
Success, in reality, comes from finding a way to take action when you don’t feel like it.
The following two examples illustrate this idea:
I have a friend who teaches little kids how to ski. When a kid says they’re scared to drop off a ledge, she tells them, “Do it scared.”
Another friend is a health educator. When her students struggle with self-control around food or not being in the mood to exercise, she asks them, “How could you change your environment to make the healthy choice the easiest choice?”
As you consider how to prioritize your wellbeing when you really don’t want to, the following tips might be helpful to incorporate:
Start small. Don’t think that you need to reconnect with everyone all at once. Maybe you ask a friend if you can tag along while they grocery shop, or sit silently next to them while reading a book. Maybe you do that only once this week. After that becomes routine, add another social engagement, or a more involved one. Take it slow.
Aim for consistency. If your goal is to walk around the block every day, doing so at the same time each day, rather than at random hours, will make it easier to stick to. Our brains respond favorably to routines, and even hard activities get easier once you develop a subconscious expectation for them. Autopilot is easier than… manual pilot.
Offload as much burden as you can. Sometimes, asking a sibling to call you on a regular basis is easier than making the call yourself. Use this tip with people you can rely on.
Remember that you are not your thoughts, feelings, or desires. The next time you’re getting ready to meet a friend and think, I’d rather just cancel, notice that.
You might label that thought: “There’s a thought here about canceling.”
You might establish distance from that thought: “Thanks for that thought, Mind. Heard.”
All in all, take your thoughts with a grain of salt. Adhere to them choicefully when doing so will bring you closer to the person you want to be.
Lastly, talk to your therapist. Depression, anhedonia, and all of the above can feel insurmountably hard. You’re not broken, and the journey isn’t hopeless. Reach out for support.